The Real Men in Black - By: Nick Redfern (2011)

I believe it is very possible that there are beings in this world who have knowledge of the possible futures of our planet, and these beings appear at times in our myths and legends as such icons as the Men in Black. I also suspect that such beings have actively interfered with my life for reasons I may never fully know or even guess. That is why I read this book, looking for some evidence or indication that my suspicions could come true. I found no new information here, but I did learn that I'm not the only one who believes as I do, and that made it an interesting read. I know I will never know the truth of the matter, but that's okay. It's still fun to contemplate.

Thank you, My Love!

The Truth About Jesus: Is He A Myth? --- by: M.M. Mangasarian (1909)

It took me a while to read this book even though there wasn't very much in it that I wasn't already aware of. It does however very clearly assert all the hypocritical and utterly ridiculous contradictions of the Christian's belief in the historicity of Jesus. I liked especially that the author took the time at the end of the book, in several appendixes, to address several of the prominent attempts by various Christian clergymen to critique the arguments and facts set out in this book. The author thus exposes the nonsensical attemps at reasoning the Christians use to "defend" their beliefs, which ultimately boils down to, "blind (un-reasoned) faith" in something that is clearly non-historically based (i.e. there is no historical evidence for the existence of Jesus at all, and there never was, which the church is ultimately forced to admit even while its clergy continue to ignorantly proclaim the opposite by asserting invented facts and rumors that have no basis in reality or history at all).

It totally amazes me that someone could read a book like this and yet continue to "believe" in the physical existence of Jesus! The author himself was a formally educated Christian Minister, until he could no longer sustain the delusion of Christ's existence in the face of reason and historical evidence. I personally think his only "error" is assuming that reason and evidence should be considered the only reliable source of knowledge and truth. This presumes that human intelligence is sufficient for determining the nature of our existence/reality (or what I call simply "experience"). Reason itself will tell us that reason is not enough. But, he is correct to use reason to demonstrate where reason fails. In other words, we can use reason to help us realize the errors of reason, and in this case the errors of Christian beliefs. But, we cannot use reason to assert some other "truth" or "explanation" (such as science) because as soon as we do we are falling back into the same intellectual "trap" that put Christians where they are today - the trap of presuming that human intellect is sufficient to comprehend the Ultimate Truth of our existence. It is not, and never will be.

I Know My First Name Is Steven - by: Mike Echols (1991, 1999)

"The true story of the Steven Stayner abduction case." I never heard about this case until I saw a documentary about it on 20/20 (or something) several weeks ago. Because it all happened around the same time that I myself was learning first hand about sex hysteria in the U.S. (the 1970s), I decided to check it out. I think the interesting thing about "true crime" books from over 20 years ago is that they usually read like a porn novel, and this book was no exception.

For example: "[Steven] tried to pull away from his captor's grip. Brusquely, though the kidnapper shoved the little boy's head down over his exposed, erect penis, Steven's copious tears and entreaties to Parnell to take him home not deterring the aroused pedophile as he repeatedly ejaculated inside the trembling child's mouth."

Really? I mean, REALLY? That's what happened? Is that how Steven remembers it? Or the kidnapper, Parnell? I seriously doubt if that's how it happened at all! It's far too dramatic. But it sure does sell books, doesn't it?

As an experienced "child rapist" and "rape victim" myself I could tell that neither Parnell's nor Steven's accounts of events were very close to the truth. And the author clearly obscured events even further by adding such dramatic flair. In ways, no doubt, what really happened was much worse, but could never be expressed with words. For example, the author never once mentions blood or shit, even after very graphically detailing the first time Parnell anally raped Steven face down on a bed. It was all just lust and orgasm, even referring to the boy as Parnell's "young sex partner".

I learned something though. I realize now more than ever that my own "crime" against the 14-year-old boy that I "raped" (orally) when I was just sixteen myself was more the result of a morally corrupt social system and the "messages" it sends than it ever was my own confused attempt to find a place in this world. In other words; yes, I was a "confused kid" acting out of my misguided need for some sense of sexual identity (as demanded hormonally by nature), but the confusion I felt and acted on did not come from within me as much as it came from the kind of hypocritical social-sexual messages that this book so brusquely illustrates.

Of course it's never as simple as that either, which I will always insist. It is much more complex, so much so that all our attempts to "understand" and "fix" the problem (and/or "the System") are futile. As I've said so many times before, the only cure for crime is love; everything else is just more crime. And this book is nothing more than child porn for the kind of person who condemns child porn in order to tell themselves and everyone else how morally righteous they are.

[J.D. March 15, 2019] 

The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things - by: J.T. LeRoy (2001, 2016)

I stumbled upon this book on a prison book cart here in the SCU ("death row"). I think it's brilliant the way it shows the connection between a child's experiences and adult "perversion". I also like the way it seems to dismissively depict the way our social system only pretends to help and to care, not to mention the profoundly hypocritical religious "solutions". I felt like crying at the end for the same reason that the dedication drew me in...

"And when this happens to you, 

you believe nobody knows and nobody cares."

Beyond Good And Evil - by: Friedrich Nietzsche (1886)

I read this as apart of a discussion I've been having with my fiancée about the way society judges and condemns so much so ignorantly. I personally think Nietzsche is clearly brilliant and well informed, but I can't help but also think that he doesn't carry his own ideas far enough. His conclusions seem premature and self-serving. I respect his intelligence, but I don't like his perspective... it's quite "scary" to me in fact, not only because of the damage it has already caused (particularly in the 20th century), but because of the damage this sort of "conclusive" thinking will continue to cause in the future. It prevents people from seeing a broader, more inclusive truth/reality. It limits our "will to power" to mankind's ignorant and incapable hands (and minds). To me there is so much more!

The Awakening of Intelligence - by Jiddu Krishnamurti (1973, re-issued 1987)

This book took me over a month to read, not because it was dull or uninteresting (which is usually the reason it takes me a long time to read a book), but because it fascinated me so much that I wanted to relish every section for days before I continued.

Krishnamurti comes closer than anyone I have ever read to expressing exactly what it was that I realized that caused me to stop killing and turn myself in, the "epiphany" as I usually call it. What he calls "intelligence", I call "the Living Truth". It is the very real and infinitely meaningful source of our Being, which we can never know anything ABOUT, but can know completely and intimately, by simply forsaking the illusions (or "images" as Krishnamurti calls them in this book) that our mind creates in a desperate and delusional attempt to save itself from "death".

It was this illusion that, for reasons I will never fully fathom, I was allowed to see past as my entire delusional world came crumbling down. And, it has been my hope and my belief ever since, that the same will happen, and happen soon, for the rest of us, because if it doesn't, then we will all be doomed (destroyed) by the consequences of our delusional thinking.